JOURNAL 2005: Passion of Jesus Christ, Betrayal of Friends

Passion of Jesus, Betrayal of Friends

Tuesday, 7:00 P.M.

“The longest and the most challenging journey of life is the journey within…” – Dag Hammarskjold

Catholics started celebrating the solemn festivity of Holy week last Palm Sunday which will end on Easter Sunday. This is the week the Catholic Churches prepared for after forty days and when people will recommence God’s crucifixion, death and resurrection.

It is right and just for us, to recall ourselves spiritually, reminisce those times we turned our backs at Him, and return to the path that Jesus Christ laid for us.

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What do you feel when somebody has betrayed you? Some say they will get angry to that person and will never forgive him and some say they will just ease the pain inside their heart through crying. Imagine when you give your trust and love to somebody and after he/she betrayed you, it’s like a blade that cut us- the painful sensation makes us cry and be wounded.  

Normally, betrayal only happens between persons with established relationship. It is when we have a direct interaction to that person and usually they are happening among friends, families, and relationship with someone. Betrayal is toughly felt by the person who are offended or betrayed and the offender are typically unaware of his misdeed.

The betrayal of Judas that we can read in Matthew 26:47-50 is one of the most despised act in the bible history. He is the son of Simon Iscariot and become one of the twelve apostles of Jesus Christ. He is very distinguished for his “Kiss and betrayal” after bargaining Jesus Christ for thirty pieces of silver coins. His sign of kissing means identifying Jesus who will be arrested by the soldiers. Despite of his grotesque sin, Jesus Christ show his utmost love for him. And Jesus never disrespect or insult Judas even He know he will betray Him. It displays how Jesus love everyone to its fullness. Despite the fact that his apostle did something bad to him, the love and understanding prevail to Him. Also, it is only Jesus who knows everything, who sees all the things we have done. He is the only one who can judge us for who we are.

Peter who denied Jesus Christ three times also shows how he betrayed Him. We can read it in John 13:36-38 and Matthew 26:56-75. After the resurrection of Jesus Christ, it is the forgiveness to His people He bring with Him and not the retribution. He ask Peter three times if he loves Him. Despite Peter denies Him three times, Jesus Christ still loves Peter and gives him a second chance. It only tells us that if Jesus Christ forgive those people who turned their backs at Him, why can’t we do it? Jesus Christ is the perfect example for us to love each other, forgive those people who betrayed us, and stay modest despite of who we are.

The last is the people during those times who shouted for Jesus Christ to be crucified. It is written in John 18:28, 19-26. “Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing.”- written in Luke 23:24, Jesus Christ uttered these words during He is on the cross, offering His life for us. It is US who should be there, but he sacrificed His life for the forgiveness of our sins. Even though he is experiencing such an agony during that time, He still think about us, despite He is going to die. His willingness to die for the others shows His immeasurable love for us.

The passion of Christ is actually His love for us despite our Betrayal to Him; He bargain his own life to forgive us of our sins. Jesus Christ speak to us to refrain from doing a sin. He try to call us to stop from doing anything that will hurt Him. On the other hand, if we continue to commit sins, it is a simple way of betraying Him. Nonetheless, His crucifixion is the way of the salvation for His people. The passion of Jesus Christ is His unending love to the mankind, dedicating His life for our sins' forgiveness. He embraced the death and rose again on the third day. This is the moment when Jesus Christ give us second chance to change. And so, this is our opportunity that we should not waste and let go, this is the chance to recollect our past, to retreat from our sins, and follow His plan for us.

I was very thankful to Rev. Father Roño Toledo C.P. for facilitating this meaningful recollection. This gives me a courage to start again a new life. I love Jesus Christ so much that I will do my best to refrain from doing bad things. I will love my neighbours the way I love Jesus Christ. I am so happy that despite my heavy schedule, He always help me to attend this recollection and change myself and start over again. I pray to Him to stay always at my side, guide my family and friends, and thank Him for all the blessings he has given me. I will always treasure those things and do my best to serve Him wholeheartedly. Thanks Papa Jesus, I love you… 

JOURNAL 2004: A CHALLENGE TO ENDURE

Sometimes, letting go is the best way to ease the pain in your heart...

BUT.. what if, letting it go will put you in such sadness because the one you will leave behind is those people dear to you?

Well, that's where I am right now.

For everyone's idea, I am an Altar Server on a church one ride away from my house. From the very start, I was trained there and through all my service, I am assigned to serve there. A year ago, I heard a rumor that the chapel (a few walk away from my house. It's very near compare to the church where I am serving) will become a Parish. I confirmed it, and it was true. Of course, I was really happy about a small chapel will become a Parish after several years. Yet, that happiness accompanies a melancholic possibility that all of the servers who are nearby the church will be transferred there. And I know, I AM ONE OF THEM.

A couple of months ago, we had a meeting and during our quorum, we had commitments on accepting responsibilities as officers. Some of us committed, some of us did not. Me? Yeah. I accepted a job. Two reasons: (1) I thought my situation of being a-possible-transferred-server was settled down that I am going to finish my term (two years) at Phase 1 then I will be transferred down to Phase 8; (2) I like the job of being a secretary. haha.

For the past days, all of those things were swept away. Sorry, most of the things, I mean. All officers were called to attend the meeting in the chapel. So I went there, not expecting that there will be an immediate election of officers. Because of the unstoppable events, I just let myself go with the flow. They needed my immediate response so I had to force my brain to decide to choose. Before those minutes of giving out my decision, I partly expecting that these things would happen. It's kinda hard to weigh both things that are really important to you. It was really hard. In the end, I decided to pick the choice where I can have little damage to ME and to OTHER PARTY involved.

Two days passed by after the night of election, we had our meeting in the Main. I told them that I knew things would happen like this in the end. I didn't just expect that it will be in our way right now. I also added that I didn't know when will be the last day when I will remain as their secretary. Also, I said that one of my natures is when you give a thing to me, I will keep it. BUT when you get it back, I will return it and will never accept it again. That is one of the reasons why I didn't accept the position of secretary in the second election at Phase 8 aside from my hectic schedule. I knew time will come that they will get it from me. And I am ready of it. It's just that, I will never accept it inside my ministry.

Things went light when they told me that I will remain as secretary while they are not yet finding a replacement for me. That time, I was actually prepared if we held a special election for me. I prepared all the documents I made for the ministry. All the minutes, the notes, everything. From the start, I know that they have a hundred percent power to take my position whenever they want because I was only appointed by my president. By the way, (if you read this,) I would like to thank my President and Vice President for giving me this opportunity to become the secretary of our ministry. Haha. Going back, I am ready to accept their decision anytime. :)

In the end, I promise to myself that I will do my best to help my new co-officers at Phase 8- to lift up our ministry from zero, to help each and everyone to start all over again, and to stay where I belong. We promise to our coordinator in Main that we will do our responsibilities and duties with all our heart and mind.

MAYBE this is the challenge that God gave us to think about. Maybe we may be separated from our dearest friends, but we have to be strong to do our commitment to Him. Besides, God will never put us into something that we cannot survive. He always have a better plan for us. FOR ALL OF US. That's why I just trust him for every thing happening to me, including this challenge for me.

I HAVE TO DO WHAT IS RIGHT. I HAVE TO CHOOSE WHAT IS IMPORTANT. I HAVE TO TRUST HIM WILL ALL MY HEART....



Your Toddler Friend,
McDen

JOURNAL 2000: McDen at 17

MCDEN AT 17

Dear friends,

11:30 P.M., January 23, 2014

A while ago, I rented a computer to watch a video tutorial of “Talk Dirty” dance cover. Thanks for the serene moment a while ago because there are few people who are renting computers that I somewhat managed to dance just by my feet while I was sitting. Anyways, a few more minutes to go, one of the (I anticipated to be) best and special days for me would be celebrated again with delicious foods, full-of-efforts gifts, my family and friends, greetings and wishes.

Time check: 11:58 PM. Minutes and seconds are counting down and finally, I will turn to 17.

Even though it’s a bit disappointed coz I’m getting older again (just kiddin), I’m very thankful- especially to our Almighty Father, for he allow me to wake up and start living for another 24 hours until now- writing this simple journal of mine.

Three, two, one…

“Happy Birthday to me!”

12:00 midnight, January 24, 2014

Somebody tapped my shoulders while I was sitting in the corner and he said, “McDen, tumanda ka na naman! Happy Birthday!!”

My eyes are making their own decision to close but I resisted just to reply back those texts of people who waited that long just to greet me at exactly 12 midnight! Haha, my gratitude was more than the number of letters, spaces and symbols you tapped on your keypad!

The truth is, I really wanted to sleep very early but because of my painful sneezy nose, I cannot sleep continuously that every ten minutes, I will go to comfort room just to spurt out of my nose that freakin… never mind. Haha.

Well, I should obey what my eyes want, good night for now. I need more than 100% of energy for the big day tomorrow! Zzzz.

11:00 P.M., January 24, 2014

OK! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!! That’s the big word for this whole day! Let me start to thank Papa Jesus for all the blessings I received and going to receive! Thanks for all the people He sent to me to make every pages of my story wonderful and splendid. Even with many up-and-down moments, I still manage to stand and continue living. It is because of my family, friends, knowledge and talents which I considered as precious treasures that nobody can steal. All of this is because of Papa Jesus. Because of that, I always do my best to make in return all the blessings I received by being a blessing to others. Thans Papa Jesus!

Of course, thanks to my ever beloved family- to my Mama and Papa, who makes my birthday wonderful and unforgettable- by allowing me to have a simple party, videoke sing-along, and to attend over nights, I love you so much Papa and Mama! And of course, to my naughty and lovely brothers and sisters, especially to my beautiful girls, thanks for the gift!

Thanks also to my BSA I-1 Classmates, especially those who went in and endured the long trip going to our little house. Thanks for taking the risk of going home very late just to be part of my party until the end. Thanks for enjoying the warm welcome in our house and those reactions that you “enjoy inside our little house!” Also, thanks to everyone coz you sang my favourite songs- “count on me”, and that not-so-true-issue “brown eyes”. I just want to add also the song “I’ll be here for you” for making me sob and cry. Haha! Lastly, thanks to those people who gave their best on the big card given to me! From the moment I was guessing who wrote the letters up to the point I am comprehending every words, it was a wonderful gift! Absolutely! To Jessa, Vanesa, Peter, Lester, Romel, Rona, Kim, John Paul, Reniel, Mae-ann, Allen, Myla, Paolo, Shayna, and others who didn’t make it to attend the party (but they really wanted to), Thank you so much! I love you guys! More bonding and happy moments to come to all of us!

While I escorted my college classmates to the bus station, I came across my awesome and splendid high school classmates! Thanks for all the corny jokes and the laughter inside the jeep! It was really a euphoric moment for me! And also, thanks for all your effort of going to our house despite of the time (it was nearly 8:30 P.M.), you never disappointed me. Lastly, thanks to those a-ca-awesome people who made those wonderful letters and gifts! To Justice, Christine, James, Riah, Shann, Joshua, and Revin, thank you so much! I almost cry every after I read your letters. You always let me feel how important I am in your lives and that is the reason why I am continue living and doing good deeds. I love you guys so much! Please always keep on telling that I am a significant one in your lives, I’m afraid that one day, you all will forget me and because of that, I’ll lose the reason of living.

Somebody knocked on the door, and my Ministry of Altar Servers were at the back door! Haha! I would like to thank them for singing “Happy Birthday” every time I entered. Thanks to those people who put their hearts on their gifts, especially for the Cytus, Fiesta Shirt, Chocolates, and the Banner!!!! And of course, thanks to all of my brothers who gave time in attending my birthday party despite of their heavy schedules tomorrow. To Kuya Cas, Sir Nino, Sir Kim, Laurence, Sir Prince, Kuya Cris, and those people who wanted to go but was not able to do so, thank you so much! Your presence is farther than I expected! And of course, I intentionally separate these people because they extent my birthday until midnight. Thanks for playing with me UNO, Cards, and Cytus (through the wonderful gift of Kuya Ervin), sleeping in my small bed that we still managed to make ourselves fitted into it, thank you soo much! To Kuya Edison, Sir Arvee, Kuya Jayson, Sir Jonathan and Kuya Ervin, thank you so much for making my whole night overwhelming! You guys are really an important bulk in my heart since they are the ones who let me feel of being a young kiddo! J I dream of having a big brother and you guys let me feel it. I owe you that thing, thank you very much!

Finally, to those people who greeted me, who forget about my birthday, who make me cry because of your heart-touching messages and who still making a lot of surprises to me, Thank you so much guys! I cannot put into words how I feel thankful, grateful and joyful to you guys for making every birthdays of mine special and remarkable! I love you all guys! Now, it will be another 365 days of journey of laughter, tears, problems, success, friendships, and wonderful memories!

To all of you, once again, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! <3

Your Toddler Friend,

McDen

JOURNAL 2003: MY LIFE AT A GLANCE

I am Mc Danielle Lleno, the eldest among the children of Danny Lleno and Nora Lleno. I got seventeen years of existence in this world a few weeks ago, specifically last January 24, and I celebrated it with so much fun and sneers. I do not know how to start this simple “about me” composition but let me do this way, just like telling an invisible person of who I am, what makes me as me, and who is me in front and behind the camera.

Well, let me start it inside our home. My siblings called me “Kuya Mc” except to my younger brother who is next to me and my sister (the oldest among  my three sisters) who just used my name when calling me. I do not have problem with it except when they are doing it to other elders. I scold them not to be a rude person and act like they are not educative people. On the other hand, with my relationship to my parents, I am not that attached to them but still, my love and respect is always there.

Way back when I was in the first year of my elementary life, the normal routine that I got used to until I reached second grade was like this: our maid will accompany me to go to school, drop me down there and leave me so that she could go back to our house in Caloocan. After class, I will wait for my service and he will drop me down in front of our old house. I am the only one who is staying there up until night. I will not notice myself falling asleep and when my father is already there, he will just pick me up and bring me back home. In the next day, I will scratch my eyes, fight the urge of going back to my bed and go to school again with our maid bringing me there. Because of that, I learn how to become an independent boy from them that I do not usually ask them for help and do not disturb them when I want to ask something. Both positive and negative effects, though. Positive, because they always let me to join different activities that is out of their sight. They are not that worried about me since they know that I can handle myself, not like how they think about my younger brother who is the opposite of me when it comes to being independent. On the other way around, it moves me away from them that I do not feel the mood of having parents at your side, to whom I can tell my silly problems and jokes, to whom I can laugh and cry at, and who I can hug and kiss in cheeks if I want. And, I know that it is one of my flaws, I am not close with my parents and sometimes, we do not get along with each other.

But through times, I get used to it until I understand a lot of things. My parents are so busy because they love me and my siblings. They want to secure a bright future for us that they even sacrifice their own leisure and entertainment time to work and work and work. Also, I get used to when my father always scold me if did something wrong at his sight. I realize that it is for my best. That is the reason why every time my younger siblings are being scolded by my parents, I usually tell them to listen to what they say and everything they are reprimanding of are for their good welfare.

Anyways, I love our long-time maid that I call her nanay and she is like my grandmother. She is as kind as my mother and as particular when it comes to cleanliness just like my father. She is already working and staying with us since I was grade five. Her silver curls that occupy most of her hair speak about her age and the wrinkles at her forehead tell more about her tough experiences in the past. But all of it are not noticeable because of her jolliness and clear smile. I usually buy her some medicines for her high blood, healthy and pharmaceutical beverages, and sometimes, I usually volunteer to get her blood pressure. Oppositely, I hate it when she is describing the good things in me and comparing it to my siblings especially to my younger and sole brother. My brother and I are sharing rooms and what makes us opposite to each other is I am the type of person that makes everything organized and clean while (he makes me furious because) he: dropping his things wherever he want, getting up on bed without cleaning it, throwing his dirty clothes everywhere in our room and placing a lot of papers, scratches, and notebooks in my table even though he has his own table.

I am an extremely novel bookworm addict, as the others agree with me. I love reading books, surfing the net about something, doing some science experiments, and collecting a lot of stuffs, remembrances, and collections. Anyway, my favourite colours are green and blue that is why the colour of my room is a mixture of green and blue. Also, I get angry to my younger brother when we talk about colours since he also likes green that is why I shift to blue sometimes. Every time my mother bought us a new set of slippers, we are always fighting for the green one, but because I am the elder, I give up abruptly and pick the blue one. My fight with my sisters usually happen when they get books to my bookshelves and forget to return it on its exact place. Through times, they always put a note to where they get the book they borrow so that they will not forget on where they will return the book.

Outside my house, it is either in church or in school where you can frequently see me. I am a part of the Ministry of Altar Servers in our church (anyway, I am a Roman Catholic) and just this past months, I was appointed to be the secretary of our ministry. I am the type of person who is not talking when not needed but usually start the conversation when the silence break my ears. They consider me as generous and thoughtful, like how my classmates and best friends know me. The truth is, I am really an extravagant guy when I have extra money. I buy a lot but I never do it just by my own pleasure but for the others too. There was one secret thing I did to my ministry during the summer. I was the one who paid (with another partner-in-crime wealthy guy) for the entrance fees of my brothers (well, they let me feel my dream of having an elder brothers) just to make a way so that they can party with us and I asked our coordinator not to tell them about it. It was indeed a secret but our coordinator suddenly blabbered it out during our meeting. He mentioned it after lecturing us that receiving something is not bad but we should do something in return even without telling it to do so. I felt embarrassed after he discussed in the whole group about the good thing in me, and about our secret. I hate hearing about those things.

Well, here is the hot issue. I am the type of guy who is easy to feel alone. I hate being unaccompanied that is why I always include myself to an association that can make me happy. The other reason why I joined my ministry aside from my main reason serving in the altar of God is because I see the joy and the feeling of brotherhood there. Happily, God gives me this wonderful family of talented and awesome people. I also get easily annoy when somebody do not appreciate the effort I give. I am too emotional, resentful, and easily to get sad. I am coward for one thing- spiders. I hate it when somebody compliments me too much. Most of the times, I act childishly. Sometimes, it gets wrong because of my strong conviction.  

Thanks to my best friends and those people who know what to do when I am in those states- a litre of an ice cream, their presences and comfort.

These are the informations that I can give you as much as I want to tell everything about every single thread of my life. Well, this is the story of my life, MY LIFE AT A GLANCE.